I brokeded it

If anyone is looking for Ryuu’s blog, or any of the other blogs on this site, they are borked :(  I upgraded wordpress to version 2.5, which has a boatload of backend changes, especially to the admin panel.  As a result, it screwed up the plugin I was using for the multi-blog system (a pluging called Multiply).  I tried to find an update to Multiply, but it turns out it stopped being maintained around wordpress version 2.3, so I’m kinda boned at this point.  The database has already been upgraded to work with 2.5, so I can’t roll it back, unless I can find a backup somewhere on the server.  I might dive into the multiply plugin code at some point and see if I can get it working with WP 2.5  As of right now, I can’t even get the plugin to activate.  Sorry Ryuu, and all your fans

Moving, Blackberry, and awesome.

Short update since I haven’t said anything in a while.

Life goes on.  Drama is subsiding.  I’m still weary but it’s getting easier to deal with at least

My brother’s roommate is moving out on Thursday, so I’m moving in there.  I’ve been meaning to get a bigger apartment anyway, and so this just seems like fortunate timing.  For those who are in the know, all concerns are still present, but the desire to get out of this teeny tiny apartment has overridden all other concerns for the time being.

In addition, my brother got a new Blackberry so I got his old one.  The downside is that this means I got a new phone number, because I had to switch service providers but keep the old phone on for $10/month to avoid early termination fees.  It’s only till January so it’s no big deal.  In the end, because I’m sharing a plan with David, I’m still saving money over my old plan.  New number can be obtained by calling my old number

Lastly, here is some awesomenes:

Cross-posted from my Facebook

I’m going to write this note, about some things that have been going on with me lately, and I’m going to name names, and fuck the consequences. I’m tired of keeping this shit inside, and this will serve as my way of putting everything out on the table for everyone to see. Airing my dirty laundry, if you will. If you are offended by what I have to say, please try to keep in mind that this is purely therapeutic and I mean nothing to be a personal offence. I have little to any problem with anyone in particular. Rather I am simply frustrated beyond belief with the circumstances of my life at the moment.

To begin:

There are 2 women in Philadelphia in whom I have an interest. The first is Rachel. Rachel is cute, intelligent, funny at times, into anime, and the most shy girl I have ever met. I’m not talking about blushing adorable shy here. I’m talking about has the potential to freeze up when I try to have a conversation with her shy. Now, I understand that part of this probably stems from the fact that she has a (declared) interest in me, while another part of this probably comes from the fact that I have declared an interest in her. At the same time, if we can’t even hold a reasonable conversation when we’re in the same room, then how can we possibly get to know eachother well enough to even imagine pursuing things further? I’m an extremely outgoing person, and for me this level of shyness can be a dealbreaker. I came to Philadelphia this weekend for her 21st birthday party. I even bought her a $25 bottle of liqueur. I wound up spending a majority of the party sitting around waiting to talk to someone, because the location was so damn small that I didn’t feel like drinking heavily and getting rowdy. I get rowdy when I drink heavily, i know this about myself. So I drank lightly and had a good time when I could, but mostly just sat around, waiting for shit to happen. I maneuvered myself to be near her as often as I could, and even tried to strike up conversations when it was appropriate. What I got was mostly her shying away, or contributing very little outside of answering whatever questions I could come up with. Instead she spent most of her time talking to her boss who was there, who, I should add, was hitting on her RELENTLESSLY. I even got her to come over while we were all giving each other back massages so I could give her one, and the whole time she sat there talking to someone else, moving around, and then got up and walked away without saying a word. By the time I left (early), I had thrown in the towel. I had given up. Then, as I’m getting ready to leave, she looks at me with a hurt look, as though she was so sad to see me leaving early, and hugs me not once, but twice - and I’m talking caring hug here - which is something she told me herself was a big step for her. She tells me in a shy, adorable voice that she’s really happy I came to Philly for her birthday, and asks in a concerned voice if I had fun. I told her yes even though it was only half true, which actually made me feel guilty.

Bottom line: I want to get to know you better, I want to learn about who you are, and I want you to learn about who I am. I think you’re cool, cute, and interesting, but goddamnit you have to give me something to work with here! I’m here for only a few days at a time, and if things continue like this it’ll be 4 months before I even know if you have siblings, or where you are originally from, or if you have a middle name. I’d like to pull you down on my lap, and hug you around the waist, and kiss you on the cheek, the way I would normally flirt with a girl, but I can’t because I’m terrified that I’ll scare you away.

Then there’s Mai. Mai is Rachel’s roommate and one of her best friends. Fucked up, I know, right? Here’s the thing, Mai and I are eerily alike. We have almost the same sense of humor. We have alot of the same mannerisms. We became instant friends, playfighting within 20 minutes of meeting eachother (something which continues still). She’s like Rachel, but the outgoing version, which in my book means damn near perfect. She’s got a strong personality, isn’t constantly looking for approval, but is clearly sensitive and sweet at heart. She’s into anime, which is a huge bonus for me because it means I can be my uber-geek self and not be embarrassed. My IM logs with Mai are bigger than my IM logs with Jeff, the friend who I actually come to visit in philly, and I’ve only known her for like 3 weeks. I mean, it sounds ridiculous, but I have seriously fallen head over heels for this girl, which is crazy, because I know how prone I am to that kind of spontaneous shit, but I really can’t think of much more I’d want from a girl. What’s the problem with all this (aside from the obvious one of her being Rachel’s roommate and really good friend)? She has a boyfriend. Who lives in Ireland. FUCK. FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. How do I manage this shit?!

Bottom line: I can’t have her. It’d be betraying Rachel. It’d be betraying Mai’s boyfriend. It’s be ugly. REALLY ugly. I don’t even know if she’s into me. I think she might be, but I really don’t know. Even knowing all that, it doesn’t make it any better, especially when she does shit like move Linh out of the way so she can give me a massage herself, apparently because she’s really good at it (something which turned out to be true).

Something I learned tonight after Rachel’s party is that I have an inherent need for physical contact. Something about tonight opened an old, scarred over wound inside me, and I nearly broke down on the way home, and DID break down once I got home. Linh and Alex were here to comfort me, but this kind of thing is happening more and more frequently. I need physical contact. NEED it. Not kissing, not sex, just cuddling, and hugging, and hand-holding. I need to be held and to hold. It’s a deep yearning inside me, that I can’t keep pushing back out of my mind. It’s making me desperate, and I have a feeling I reek of desperation at this point.

Then there’s life in New York. I’m tired, and I want to sleep so I’m going to cut straight to the chase on this one: I can’t live my brother’s life anymore. I never found my niche in New York, because I was always a little ashamed of who I am. I’ve always felt like I needed to hide a little bit, and so I gravitated to my brother, who has been a pillar of support for me in the last year. He is so important to me as of late (and I equally to him) but it’s getting unhealthy for me to base my social interactions so heavily within his circle of friends and his ring of influence. For my 23rd birthday, I didn’t even have any friends of my own there. Everyone who came were all friends of David’s. Many of them were my friends too, of course, but they were his friends first. Nobody knew how badly that hurt me. I drank that pain away, but I thought about it for the next week, and it still aches when I think about it.

I’ve bottomed out. I need friends who love me for who I am, and who are around me. I have friends like that in Philly. Maybe it’s truly time to start planning on moving to Philly. But then what happens when they graduate next year? Do I hope that I can make enough new friends - really really good friends - in that time? At least I’ve developed a rut in New York that I’m comfortable in. I have an opportunity to record an album ($10,000 investment) with our New York band. I just don’t know what the right choices are anymore. I can’t prioritize, I can’t make good assessments of my capabilities, and what I can expect of others. I am weary in a way that reaches down deep, not to my soul, but to my heart. It feels as though it’s beating slower every day.

I wish I could go back to those days before I graduated highschool. I knew who I was, then. I hated highschool, but right at the end I knew who I was, where I was going, and how I was getting there. I had friends, I had a girlfriend, I had family (even though i took them for granted), and I had a clear path ahead of me. I threw that all away in Rochester, and I haven’t been able to get it back.

Why Anime is Gay, and Simply Doesn’t Work

For the record, I love anime. This is just HILARIOUS.

A truly inspirational speech from Obama

This is the kind of man I want in the oval office. I listened to this speech and was truly awestruck by his wisdom - not just intelligence, but true wisdom. I don’t want a president that I feel I can have a beer with. I want a president who fills me with awe because he is so much wiser than I feel I ever could be. Hearing this speech from Barack Obama reminds me of listening to inspirational words from the likes John F. Kennedy. It’s long (40 mins), but well worth the listen.

Profound

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds… Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.” ~Neil Gaiman - The Sandman

The Epic Collapse of Brett Favre

We all knew it was going to happen. Farve has been addicted to pain pills, is chemically dependent, he’s had more concussions than Rocky Balboa. We all knew this dream season was too good to be true, but we thought, maybe the Giants we’re heading into a trap of cold weather. Could Favre weave his magic one more time? It’s the difference between being 38 and winning your third superbowl, and having your legacy be an embarrassing fall from stardom.

I have real concern for this guy’s future. He can’t retire until he redeems this tragedy. Don’t let him quit this game or he’s gonna need a suicide watch. After had the Brett Favre experience, you have to believe that the memory of your “golden years” will sustain you through the loss of your majesty. If that calibre of memory is tainted tonight’s disgrace… - Three interceptions! One of them was the first play in overtime. Brett Favre, what happened?

Happy New Year! and other updates

First of all, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas (from a jew to you), Happy Hannukah, etc etc. Happy early new year. I’ll be with my brother and a few of our friends in Williamsburg for New Year’s Eve, pretending to be hipsters and hopefully getting laid just for being total douche bags. I hear those emo hipster girls are into that sort of thing.

I’m heading to MAGfest with a few friends from New York. We’ll be there Jan 3rd - 6th. Khonsu will be meeting us there Friday morning, and leaving Saturday afternoon. MAGfest is in the DC-metro area so if you’re from that neck of the woods, toss me an email. We’ll also be catching up with Luke from WaveTheory (who are performing at MAGfest) for a few beers. Luke provided us the theme music for Critical Hit. Very cool dude.

For those of you that use Ubuntu, Mike Trausch and I are continuing our backporting efforts. You can see all the latest updates, and learn more about what we’re doing by visiting http://backports.trausch.us The long and the short of it is that we’re working to keep some of our favorite software up to date in Ubuntu, because Canonical is a little slow on keeping things up to date outside of each major version release.

Other than that I’m just enjoying some time off. Spending a few weeks staying at my brother’s apartment while his roommate is out of town for 2 weeks, watching a lot of football and a LOT of movies. Rock Band is also awesome. More on that later when I write a comparison to Guitar Hero.

Fuck Megaman ZX: Advent

Fuck it in it’s horrible game asshole. Seriously. Look, I’m happy to play through a level twice, maybe even three times if it’s difficult and I lose all my lives. I’m happy to sit there hammering through a difficult boss battle time and time again…SO LONG AS YOU GIVE ME A SAVE POINT RIGHT NEAR THE END SO I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP DOING THE SAME LEVEL OVER AND OVER AND OVER. This isn’t about being challenging, this is about requiring precise timing to jump through little spaces between projectiles and the moving enemy.

Megaman ZX: Advent, you are being taken back to the GameStop TOMORROW. Fuck you.

Once again it’s been over a month…

I really wish my life were more exciting, guys, but sadly it’s not. You should all be reading Ryuu’s blog instead. She actually has shit to talk about. Click the “scheming hot tea” link at the top. She deserves the traffic more than me.

I’ll try to get a quick summary post up when I get back from Philly on Saturday, though I make no promises, as I have a football game to attend on Sunday. Don’t expect much though.